Awkward and embarrassing moments are an inescapable consequence of being born. There’s not a single person alive who did not experience these unpleasant situations and few can brag about gracefully defusing them.
The worst part is that sometimes they tend to occur during the most important moments of our life, which makes them all the more discomforting. Not to worry, the following guide will attempt to summarize the ten worst situations a person can go through and how to emerge unscathed. Take note however, sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh at your own expense!
1. You woke up the morning after, but you’re unsure of your one night stand’s species
What a wonderful night it was, you got to drink yourself silly, hang out with your friends, dance with all the ladies and went home with the most beautiful one of them. Then the painful reality seeps in when you roll over and see your “catch” without the beer goggles. Don’t panic, they can smell fear! You might have the chance to make a run for it, providing she’s not sleeping on your arm, in which case you’re pretty much doomed to put on your best fake grin and wait until she’s in the bathroom. Oh, it’s even worse if this is your place. Make a mental reminder to stop drinking so much and pray that the whole thing was not caught on tape.
2. When is your abdominal fat due?
Poor lighting conditions, an abnormal body silhouette and your irritating habit of making small talk with strangers in the elevator are the main ingredients of this blunder: you ask the nice lady with an excessive abdominal fat when the baby is due. Well, if you don’t want to spend the entire trip to your floor cowering in a corner and fending off deadly purse strikes, you could try taking out your phone and pretending that you were having a conversation with someone else via the Bluetooth headset. Of course, that might not work if you were on one knee touching her belly, in which case you should make a friendly reminder to stop being creepy with strangers.
3. The mother-wife illusion
Every married man will at some point have to defuse the situation in which his wife is mistaken for his mother. However flattering it may be for your ego to accept the complement for your boyish good looks, be prepared to sign the divorce papers if you don’t act quickly to clear the confusion. In the event that you have good acting skills, you could also boost your chances for romance that night by pretending to take offense at the idea that someone could mistake your beautiful young wife for your mother. On the other hand, don’t try out this scenario if you feel you might burst with laughter throughout your speech.
4. That damned sink did it to me again!
Rowan Atkinson was the one who popularized this situation in one of his “Mr. Bean” movies. Essentially the water pressure in the sink of the public bathroom is so high that it splashes all over your pants, making it look like you just had a little “accident”. Don’t try explaining it to your friends, the “accident” version makes a much better story every time. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your evening in the stall waiting for the pants to dry or attempt to pull a “Mr. Bean” (use the blower of the hand drier), just splash more water on your shirt and walk out with dignity.
5. An ally in your wife?
Joking with your buddies about hair loss, erectile dysfunctions and similarly embarrassing things is great, but when your wife laughs at the jokes made at your expense – especially those that are aimed at your performance in the sack – it’s no longer funny. Why? Because what used to be joke between two friends receives a confirmation from the only person who has any experience in that field and that’s a low blow to the ego. In this case, it’s not funny because it’s true. Answering with a joke about divorce lawyers is probably the only sensible thing to do in this case other than getting naked and diving through the nearest window.