Top 10 List of Reasons Why Divorced Women Don’t Learn From Past Mistakes

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In the aftermath that precedes a painful breakup or divorce; most women are not really giving a thought to the possibility of engaging in another relationship. In fact, even the concept of being on a date will sound as exciting to them as a court-mandated trash pickup session by the highway. While you might recognize yourself in this situation, let’s not forget that statistics indicate a staggering 50% of women will marry again in less than 5 years after the divorce, whereas 75% will do so in less than 10 years. How is that possible?

Well, first of all, clear judgment is not the forte of a person who is still struggling with the repercussions of the breakup. Secondly, truth be told, there is an immense difference between what we theoretically want in a partner – kindness, honesty, active listening skills, compassion, maturity, responsibility, etc. – and the features that we find attractive in practice. That is why a great percentage of women will make the same mistake over and over again: the inability to evaluate a potential partner based on reason. This does not go to say that women don’t have social intelligence – actually they tend to know men much better than vice versa – but that things are quite a bit more difficult in the wake of a divorce.

Let’s find out why!

 

1. Timing is everything in this case

New relationship

The divorce constitutes a major turning point in the life of everyone who has to go through it and it will make you very emotionally vulnerable. As of such, chances are that your feelings will get the best of you and you cannot, in all honesty, be absolutely sure that the decision of hooking up with a person is sensible. That is probably the main reason why most relationships that start out in the aftermath of the divorce are prone to failure. Think of it this way: the wounds are still fresh and you cannot help but rethink – and probably mention – your ex-husband or remember bits of your marriage on every single waking moment. This is a major red flag for your “newfound love” and few people are willing to invest the energy in such a relationship.

 

2. Sexual attraction is often confused with affection

Sexual attraction

Your hormones are running wild and all you can think about is how great last night was, so it can be easy to mistake the sexual rush for genuine love. Fortunately – or not – once the initial “honeymoon” stage passes, you will start to discover all the flaws and incompatibilities, up to the point where you start wondering what on earth blinded you to them in the first place. Remember, great sex doesn’t necessarily have to be associated with emotional compatibility.

 

3. Obsessing over a potential partner

Obsession

Obsessions are dangerous because we often value them for more than they actually are, namely the suppressed anxiety bursting out through the cracks in our divorce-scarred psyche. Much like the sexually-related infatuation, we tend to confuse the passion of the encounter with love. Therefore, our ability to rationally discern between partners is substantially impaired.

 

4. Idealizing emphasizes the strengths and nullifies the weaknesses

Perfect

Sometimes women are so convinced, or rather they do their best to convince themselves, that the aptitudes possessed by a certain person automatically make him perfect. In general, the kind of abilities that end up idealized comprised of the ones we don’t possess ourselves. For instance, a rich knowledge of an ancient civilization, mastering several foreign languages, a perfect memory, etc. constitute the grounds for this costly mistake. Therefore, we automatically believe he is superior to us in every way and place him on a pedestal while continuously undermining our position, forgetting that every person is actually the sum of both the positive traits and the shortcomings.

 

5. Taking the history of your family’s relationships for granted

Family relationships

There are thousands of examples of families where the female side tends to go for a certain type of partner, generation after generation. None of the family members who engaged in relationships based only on the family tradition ends up happy, but that subconscious belief that lingers in the nether regions of your mind keeps whispering that you will be the one to break the circle and turn the pattern into a success. Unfortunately, time tested evidence suggests otherwise.

 

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