People in horror films are usually quite stupid- they practically walk into the killer’s arms and ask to be bludgeoned to death. If you ever find yourself caught in a horror movie, keep the following tips in mind-
1. Keep Checking
If a man with a mask is chasing you and you are lucky enough to get into your car in time, take some time to turn around and run your eyes over the back seat. Then do it again- just to be sure. Also, if you have a feeling that somebody is hiding in the boot, find a sharp enough weapon to puncture it because what’s the point of opening it normally?
2. Hide
If you are hiding under the bed or in a closet, try not to keep peeking through the cracks every two minutes. Once you are sure that the killer has left the building, you should check your surroundings carefully and run your hand over the ground.
3. Run
If you cannot find a knife and you are sure that your lipstick will not work, run as fast as you can. Do not be silly enough to think that you will outrun the monster, though. No matter how fast you run on the treadmill in the gym and even if the monster is only strolling towards you, it will catch up with you sooner than you think. But still- keep running.
4. Don’t Be Excessively Brave
If you walk by a deserted building whose entrance is smeared with blood and you hear somebody crying out, do not take it upon yourself to save them. You will get killed.
5. Stay Away From the Undead
Sometimes pets and family members come back from the dead in horror movies. If you own such a pet or are knew the relative, don’t even think of going towards them. They won’t really care who you are as long as you have some meat on your bones that they can chew on.
6. Use Your Head
If your friend has never sat through the Latin or French classes with you but suddenly starts speaking in the language and you happen to be in a haunted house, kill them without thinking twice. They are either possessed or dead already so you are only doing them a favor.
7. Pack Your Bags
If the door starts opening and closing by itself after dark or if the piano keys start chiming when nobody is around, do not start using logic to explain it all away. The house is haunted- you need to leave, unless of course you don’t mind sharing the house with these spirits.
8. Move Around in Numbers
If you and your friends decide to spend the night in the woods or an isolated area and you feel the need to walk off by yourself- don’t. Always take three or more friends with you wherever you go because there is always comfort in numbers- unless of course 60 monsters decide to come after you.
9. Use a Weapon
You are seriously delusional if you think that you will be able to defend yourself against a killer or a monster without a weapon.
10. Be Sure That It’s Dead
If you manage to decapitate the killer or the monster, don’t walk away without checking twice. Shoot at it as many times as you can and then run. It will be too clichéd if you think you’ve killed it but it comes up behind you and throws you off the cliff.
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