I am twenty seven years old and I haven’t had many pooping toilet stories to mention. Whenever there were stories, I try to forget about them, clear my mind as though they never happened. But, to tell you the truth, it is so hard to do. So I wrote this article with hopes that some people stop in their awful habits. It will make life so much easier, if we did not have these dirty pooping toilet stories to tell.
1. The Rude Woman in the Italian Restaurant:
This incident occurred in an Italian Restaurant in Austin, Texas. The restaurant does not open until five o’clock; however, at approximately 4:30, a woman ran to the front door and desperately yanked on the handle, trying to pull it open. When she grasped the fact that the door was locked she began to hit the windows with her fists, screaming something angrily. The manager regrettably opened the door because he thought that she was possibly in some kind danger. When he opened the door, she skirmished passed the manager yelling that she had a major emergency and had to use the washroom. What a way to bypass “washroom for customers” policy.
The problem was just brewing in the washroom and no one knew what they would be up against with this woman. When the restaurant opened for business, the woman had not yet come out of the washroom. A few customers who had come to dine wanted to use the washroom. Everyone kept knocking and knocking, but the woman would not open the door.
When she finally came out, she made a rush to the door, keeping her head down and moving at lightning speed. The manager went into the bathroom and let out a horrible yell. When I went to look what was happening, I saw that there was poop smeared all over the toilet seat, the floor, and the sink. There were poopy handprints on the paper towel dispenser and streaks on the wall. The smell was just unbelievable.
Those who work in the fast food industry probably can relate. Customers who squat are known to cause damage.
2. The Sacristy of the Church:
We all love ice creams and cream puffs. We eat them for desert, for midnight snacks and even for lunchtime minis. My friend once tried them before going to work by foot. Whilst eating, he noticed a horrible smell and taste to the food. He checked the expiry date and proceeded to eat 3 cream puffs. Before he could get to work, his stomach started to grumble. He was in the middle of a suburban area. All of the sudden an adult man walking in a neighbourhood was shitting in his pants – that was my friend.
The only place he could hide was the church a few feet away. He decided to call me, so I can come pick him up. I called the grocery store later that day and made the biggest complain you can ever imagine.
3. Accidents Do Happen:
This story was recited to me by a couple of friends. A couple of friends were drinking one night. They decided to act all macho and attempted to practice wrestling. The wrestling match failed as one friend lost consciousness during his friend’s notorious “rear naked blood choke”. He did not realize that his friend was already unconscious and let him subdue him for a longer time period.
When gaining consciousness, the guy realized her had pooped in his pants. Everything that had been in his bowels was now in his pants, and his friends had to spray his down with a hose. The guy is lucky to be alive. Never attempt this at home.
4. Pooping at Work:
Everyone knows what it is like to be constipated, right? Every also knows not to go to the washroom in public or at work unless it is an emergency. Right? So anyways, I was working one day in the office and this guy, who severely suffers from constipation, runs to the bathroom as if it is an emergency. All of the sudden my other co-worker walks out saying that someone is screaming in the washroom in agony. The guy had such a hard time taking a poop that he blacked out and fell to the floor. We have to call an ambulance as there was a big gash on his forehead and a bump on his head.
How embarrassing? For all those who have been in such situations know that taking a poop after constipation is like going into labour and having a baby’s head sticking out of you. That is the analogy.
5. Poop during labour:
It is a well-known fact that women poop during labour. A friend of mine was giving birth and required an epidural. The only problem with the epidural, she was pushing more than just the baby. It is quite normal, but if you want to prevent such occurrences, you may go with plan B-a waterbirth.
6. Squating:
How many of us have been to a public washroom and found the toilet to be too dirty to sit on it? Almost everyone. Now here’s a tougher question: how many of us squatted rather than sitting on the toilet? Most of us…right? Next question…how many of us missed the toilet hole and pooped all over. Approximately 30% of us. Happens!
7. Hole in the Ground:
I can name a few times I’ve been to a park or on a camping trip where the washrooms are small portables. Those portables are not your regular toilets you flush. At the end of the day all that poop accumulates. So when you walk in trying to go to the washroom, you want to throw up more often than you want to go poop.
8. Bus Toilet:
Most buses have chemical toilets. All the contents inside that toilet start to smell after a while. We were in New York for two days. There was a Mexican restaurant near our hotel and some people decided to go for a fiesta. On the way to Washington, one of the guys decided to go take a dump. When I talk about a dump, let’s say half of the bus at the back were breathing through a plastic bag and plugging their noses. We had to shift back and dump the contents and missed our tour of the Capitol.
9. School Washroom:
This story was recited to me by a couple of friends. It all started in school, as it always does. A couple of friends were hiding in the bathroom …well more like staking out and skipping class, if you know what I mean. A lot of people had been robbing possessions from students’ blazers in the lockers near the bathrooms. Hiding in the stall, we wished to catch the culprit.
Then a student, we didn’t known, rush in-moaning and groaning. She flung open the toilet stall and let loose. The sound and the smell of the farts were enough to make any person go deaf and blind. The girl must have thought she was alone. With the last squeak of a fart, the friends laughed hysterically and shouted, “Wow! What did you have for lunch?”
How many of us have been in this awful position.
10. Toilet Broken:
My friend came over to my house. He needed to use the washroom badly. He decided to use the toilet in the basement, without asking. He took the dump, only to find out it was not a working toilet. What a cleanup!
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