Irrespective of one’s self-esteem and confidence, almost everyone is terrified when going on a date in the initial stages of a relationship. A possible explanation for this resides in the fact that people are prone to make simple mistakes that have the potential to ruin the chances of a second date. In fact, most people tend to repeat the same slip-ups and are not even aware of what is it that they are doing wrong. Not to worry though, this guide will help you learn the most common dating “don’ts”. Let me share with you how to get hitched the right way!
1. Getting overly involved too soon
Perhaps one the biggest mistakes a person can make while dating is to assume that you can get to know a person after just a few encounters. However, you simply cannot rush in the true intimacy associated with a relationship, but rather let things flow naturally. The number one reason why people get exceedingly involved with a new romantic partner resides in the fact that they are confusing (or are not aware of) the normal stages of a relationship. Just because the other person enjoys spending a lot of time with you, it does not automatically imply a deep emotional connection.
2. You can’t see the forest from the trees
Overanalyzing your partner and every little aspect of the relationship will inevitably lead to high levels of anxiety and consequentially, kill the mood. Essentially, by thinking too much about what your partner meant, it is easy to draw false conclusions and blow the whole thing out of proportions.
3. Playing games
The past disappointing experiences may determine a person to take action, often unwillingly, in order to protect his/her ego. While it is true that rejection always represents the object of fear, playing it cool all the time will turn your partner off, sooner or later. Therefore, learn to recognize the normal stages of a relationship and respond accordingly. It is normal to be a bit cautious and it is also natural to put your best foot forward, but extreme behaviors are to be avoided.
4. Having unrealistic expectations about the future of the relationship
More often than not, women make more of the “head-over-heels” phase of a relationship than they should. The strong feelings you think the other person has towards you at that point may easily fool you into thinking the relationship is surely heading for a fairytale ending. However, as psychologists warn, that is a mirage mainly caused by an overdose of oxytocine in the brain. If you find yourself in a great relationship, avoid fantasying about the future too much. Instead, enjoy the time you spend together and let things come by naturally.
5. Carrying old baggage
There is only one thing as irritating as a new partner constantly blabbering about his/her ex: that irritating comparison with the ex. If you feel the need to always compare your current partner with the former one, from the way he/she acts in certain situation to what he/she is actually saying, then it means you are carrying old baggage and you are not ready for a new romantic bond.
6. The discussion seems more of an interrogation
Despite the fact that you are very curious about your partner and you want to know what makes him tick, asking how he feels about having your wedding on the beach is a bad idea. Instead of showing interest towards that person, all you will manage to do is to create the sensation of a police interrogation that will surely turn that person off. Let things evolve and you can be certain you will learn more about these things at the right time.
7. Ignoring obvious signs
The vast majority of people who are putting in a huge amount of effort to make the relationship work tend to ignore both evident and subtle red flags. In the eventuality that your new partner does not call you back, forbids you to search for him at work and has a suspicious behavior in general, do not hesitate to find out why. Even though you should not jump to conclusions immediately, certain signs are best not to overlook.
8. Not being ready for intimacy
The constant pressure of modern society practically imposed so many prerequisites for the “One”, that it determines many to search for that perfect person with unreal features. To put it simply, people have been intoxicated with wrong ideas about what a “great catch” represents. Consequentially, in their quest for the Holy Grail, they overlook and under-appreciate potential partners. While there is nothing wrong with setting some standards, psychologists suggest that a person who tends to set the bar too high is actually afraid of commitment and intimacy.
9. Pretending everything is OK
If you are serious about getting involved in a relationship and you want it to work, then you must be aware of your own needs and communicate them accordingly. There is no denying that many people out there will manage to maintain a romantic bond with a partner who has different ideals and goals, at least for a certain period. However, the relationship is not going to work in the long run, since they will inevitably realize they are in a great disadvantage when trying to get their personal needs met as well. In other words, a mature and fruitful relationship should be based on assertive partners. However, it is necessary to mention that assertiveness also means expressing your needs delicately, rather than being bossy and imposing them on your partner.
10. You are giving, but not receiving
The rule of relationship reciprocity applies in all areas of a person’s life, including the romantic involvement. Therefore, if you are busting your back trying to make the relationship work while the other person is not offering anything in exchange, perhaps he/she is not the right partner for you. Really now, can you actually say that you are happy and satisfied with a person that treats you like a doormat? Again, you need to be an assertive person and state your needs clearly, as a healthy relationship is one involving two people that respect and treat each other as equals.