Certain inventions have changed the course of history by providing an efficient and convenient alternative method of handling the simplest as well as the most complex tasks. Think about electricity, combustion, antibiotics, transistors, so on and so forth. However, other “inventions” are only able to slightly alter the course of short term history, by making us laugh briefly or pondering about the mental balance of the people who patented them.
Of course, you would still have to question what exactly the clerks at the patent office had in mind when they awarded these inventions a legit status. Let’s review the top 10 innovations that won’t exactly change the world.
1. The flatulence containment pad
In all honesty, the revolutionary flatulence pad could represent a solution of passing gas wherever and whenever without being catalogued as short-range biological weapon. This pad is inserted in the buttocks part of the pants and its role is to prevent the odor from escaping, but you will never really be comfortable with the idea that you are essentially wearing an adult diaper. At the same time, according to a customer testimonial, this thing also acts as a pretty decent muffling system. Unfortunately, the only potential achievement it is capable of is the permanent elimination of flatulence-based comic relief.
2. The bumper sensor that dissociates between pedestrian and inanimate object collision
This sensor is at least ten times less useful than the flatulence pad and why its creators actually thought it would ever come in handy is still uncertain. In essence, its purpose is to take into account several factors of the collision in order to determine whether you just hit a person, a bump in the road or a small animal. It does nothing for accident prevention whatsoever because the data it analyzes is exclusively recorded post-collision.
3. Ear cylinders for dogs and other large-eared pets
If you own a basset hound, then your biggest worry is that its ears are constantly getting into the food bowl, right? Unfortunately no, not really and if the developers of these cylinders would have actually taken a few moments to research the potential market for their invention, then the ear protection devices might have never came to be. As mentioned, their gadget is a tube – similar to the toilet paper roll one that you can always use if the dried food on your pet’s ears triggers your OCD – in which you stick the dog’s ears to prevent them from stains.
4. Surfboards equipped with jet motors
The “Back To The Future” trilogy inspired invention sounds pretty cool, right? Who wouldn’t want to trip the waves with the added power of the jet engine to boost their speed? Unfortunately, while these jet powered surf boards could constitute an effective way to escape a shark attack, you wouldn’t really be able to exercise a lot of control over them, at least not until they invent electrodes that transmit the commands from your brain to the board wirelessly.
5. The glasses support system without temples
When you first look at the blueprints for this gadget, you get the idea that in order to support the frontal side of the frame you would have to surgically replace the ears with a couple of cylindrical magnets. The sacrifice would indeed be a step too far, so the developer thought of another “brilliant” way to get around the procedure, namely attaching the two aforementioned magnets with adhesives. Now, compared to the discomfort – not to mention the slightly ridiculous appearance – of putting up with the temples of the frame, then wearing the standard pair of glasses is a walk in the park.
6. The cat fitness program
Probably inspired by the viral videos featuring cats that relentlessly chase laser pointers for the amusement of the viewers, the cat fitness program was developed. Therefore, whenever you feel like torturing the cat by causing a sensory overload, but you want to use the excuse that you are just trying to keep it in shape, you will have to pay the inventor of this program his well deserved royalties. And that goes double for those who post the videos on the internet!
7. The swinging technique
The patent owned by one Steven Olson confirms the fact that the entertainment device known as “the swing” as well as the procedure of “swinging” were invented recently. To put it simply, this guy didn’t make any improvements to swings that would transform it into a state of the art gadget for recreational purposes (or sexual, in some contexts), but he does have a legit patent for the standard technique. If you hurry, you might actually be able to patent the overhead loop swing.
8. The self-five device
A person who apparently was left hanging on high fives one time too many times is going for the record of world’s most depressing invention, the self-five device. Allegedly, this machine constitutes a practical solution for people who are watching sporting events alone and have nobody with whom to share the excitement of their team scoring/winning. Just thinking about the self-five gadget paints a strong and clear mental picture of a shut-in who lives in a dark basement because he cannot overcome his social phobia.
9. The self operated butt-kicking machine
For those who prefer being kicked in the butt to high-fives, this invention is the much-anticipated solution. In essence, it comprises of a treadmill platform equipped with a crank on one side and a wheel with boots on the other. Turning the crank causes the wheel that is affixed with boots to spin, kicking you in the behind repeatedly. The patent owner insists that its role is to provide comic relief, but the only thing you could achieve by using this device in public consists of earning the reputation of weird BDSM fetishist.
10. The stick
Irrespective of how many expensive toys you purchase your pet, the sticks, leafs and bags always represent a much better source of entertainment. So why not patent this revolutionary concept and assume credit for inventing the ultimate pet toy on the market, the ordinary twig? It’s natural since it’s constructed from wood or wood composite, it’s probably exciting (just ask your dog), and it’s everywhere! You can definitely hear people say “This man is a visionary…. not!”