Social networks like Facebook and Twitter are an excellent source of information and they allow you to meet new people or keep in touch with old friends. However, in the abundance of colorful characters that make up your friends list, you might also encounter several irritating shadows of the past. True, it’s your decision if you decide to accept their friend requests, allow them to see your posts, or even keep them in the list. But you do so at your own peril, especially if these people that you used to know closely resemble the following stereotypes. Be careful, they can be incredibly annoying!
1. The one who travels a lot
You know, he’s the guy who only posts vacation pictures from exotic locations around the globe on a regular basis. Your first reaction is to wonder where in the world does he have the money to finance his expeditions and how does he manage to keep a job when he’s always on the road. It wouldn’t be so bad to see pictures from different parts of the world if they didn’t constantly try to rub their achievements into other people’s faces and pretend they are so much more interesting than everyone else. These people represent the living equivalent of Neil Armstrong who constantly told terrible jokes about his lunar expeditions followed by the “you had to be there to get it” remark.
2. The vocational mother
Reproduction constitutes the main accomplishment of this person, followed closely by the posting of thousands of pictures with her “creations”. It’s true, most people find babies adorable, especially in limited amounts. However, when your entire life is based around making/raising babies and you constantly act condescending towards people who are not married yet or who have no kids of their own, then you are simply annoying. Maybe it’s a form of overcompensation for the lack of other talents?
3. The former boyfriend/girlfriend
Having your former partner among your Facebook friends is a good idea in 0.01% of the cases. Extremely few relationships end with a mature, consensual agreement between the two parties and even then there are still old grudges and loads of mutual resentment. The only thing your ex will try to do is show you that he/she has moved on and doing so much better with his current partner. If you don’t enjoy battles for moral superiority, then you should politely decline the friend request.
4. The one who can’t really move on from the days of high school
This guy’s achievement list peaked in high school, when he was the center of attention and has been going downhill from that point on. Naturally, he’s holding tightly to the happy times in his life and he is still holding on to his former fame by constantly reminding you his personal moments of glory, over and over again. In addition, he’s also the one who frequently tries to organize class reunions and awards himself meaningless titles like “Reunion committee president”.
5. The high school reject
That one, insignificant person who nobody cared about in high school is the exact opposite of the aforementioned case, the Sith for the Jedi if you will. In general, he states that he bears no resentment to former colleagues for not including him in their social activities – yes he does! – and brags about how his interpersonal status changed in college/workplace. Sadly, the only thing he wants to achieve is making you regret ignoring with him in high school.
6. The “undertaker”
Quote the raven, “Bad news, gentlemen!”. The undertaker represents the stereotype of the person who only goes on Facebook to announce the tragic death or accident of a former teacher/colleague. The bearer of bad news as he is also referred to, will mass spam everyone to show how much he cares about the tragedy and present his best wishes. Oddly enough, he was never really in contact with the victim and he will never actually visit him at the hospital or attend the funeral. The posts are just his ways of seeking absolution, as the undertaker is probably the high school reject’s emotional blackmail dupe.
7. The former BFF
Everyone promises to stay friends forever in high school, but all ties break eventually. In fact, you probably don’t even recall that you were actually someone’s BFF at one point until he pops out of nowhere to remind you. Strangely how they always tend to contact you before an important moment in their lives – e.g. settling down or having kids – only to evoke the carefree days of high school. In essence, all they really need is closure, which would permit them to end a chapter of their life. Least annoying one of their bunch at this point, but it depends what they turn into later.
8. The pompous jackass
Why the highly accomplished, notoriously wealthy former friend/acquaintance is irritating needs no explanation. Everything from their condescending tone to the more or less deserved success and their pompous attitude can and will get on your nerves. Don’t worry, if at first you are genuinely happy for them, jealousy will rear its ugly head eventually. After all, he’s doing his best to trigger this reaction.
9. The (religious) nutcase
Whether or not religion has something to do with his lunacy, he will try to share his newfound “spiritual” beliefs with you and constantly attempt to co-opt/convert you to what he considers the right path. Why? Simply because he thinks you deserve to be saved for being such a nice person. The really infuriating thing about him is the jargon idioms utilized to confer credibility to his claims, but the unfaltering conviction and perseverance of this brainwashed nutjob are no walk in the park either.
10. Who are you?
Lastly, you have the one whose name, face and personality you cannot really recall, in spite of his claims that you two were inseparable in the old days. He will quote various adventures and “crazy schemes” you pulled off together, while you sit there looking at the screen with a blank expression on your face thinking “What in God’s name are you talking about?” or “How did you even find me?”