There’s no denying the fact that the internet constitutes an uniquely comprehensive source of information, irrespective of the field you are interested in. Unlike the previous generation, people nowadays are not forced to spend hours at the local library in search of that mysterious rare guide or novel necessary for work or a school project.
Whether or not the innate laziness that comes as a direct consequence of the facile access to almost every piece of knowledge that ever existed was worth it is for the next generations to decide. However, in addition to the constructive how to guides, the online environment is also riddled with incredibly ridiculous and of absolutely redundant tutorials. Let’s take a closer look at the top 10 that I have put together.
1. Cutting (No running) with “kitchen” scissors
Considering that these handy cutting utensils have been around for approximately 4,000 years – their original versions were invented in Ancient Egypt in approximately 1,500 B.C. – writing a guide on how to properly use scissors and more specifically “kitchen scissors” is really a waste of cyberspace. Evidently, since the author had very little useful information to include, he goes to suggest that storing the kitchen scissors in the kitchen is very both practical and convenient. After all, everyone knows that kitchen scissors should be stored in the basement, behind the boiler, right? At the same time, the tutorial alerts us that we should refrain from the ungodly temptation of using this particular tool to cut anything that’s not related to the kitchen!
2. Oh, snap!
How else could you react after winning an argument than by snapping your fingers in your interlocutor’s face as a display of good sportsmanship? The guide in discussion here teaches reader the (proper?) technique of finger snapping. Except, they’re doing it wrong. For the sake of the argument, if for some reason you have to explain the technique of finger snapping to another person, at least remember that it’s the MIDDLE finger that connects to upper part of the thumb and that performs the downward motion, not the index one (as mentioned in the guide).
3. DIY staple removal
The most “useful” section in the guide on how to remove a staple that somehow got implanted in your arm is probably the one where they blatantly tell you to “remove the staple”. It’s not all bad, after all they do advise against showing everyone how awesome your new piercing is before you proceed to getting it out and that’s got to count for something. The part that’s really bothersome is that the guide does not specify what types of lubricant should be used apart from soap. Is it engine lubricant?
4. Turning your room into a shrine dedicated to pens
As you can read from the first paragraph, this tutorial on how to keep your large pen collection well organized is helpful even when you don’t have a collection to begin with. This could make you a bit paranoid, but the author of the tutorial is hiding somewhere in your room right not, shaking his head in disappointment because of all the pens that are scattered around on your floor, under your bed and surprisingly, in your shoes. The only marginally valuable advice you can read in this article is that you should not organize your pen on the bed, as to avoid staining the sheets.
5. Ah, change the channel already!
The audience of an online guide on how to switch the TV channel will probably remain a mystery, like the Loch Ness monster and the Yetis. In other words, the concept of person who is capable of turning on the computer, opening the search engine and looking for this guide but for some reason cannot change the channel on a standard TV set (or an older model, like the dial versions popular in the 50s that are presented later on in the guide) is hilarious.
6. I believe I can fly! Yeah, in your dreams!
The title of such a guide is somewhat misleading for the quality of the content. To put it simply, it’s supposed to be a guide to flying in your dream which, by all accounts, would count as a pretty cool achievement. However, browsing through the guide you will find suggestions like watching the Peter Pan movies, bird watching and similar nonsensical recommendations. Oh, and you have to stay patient and adopt a hopeful, positive stance, in spite of failing numerous times.
7. Driving for dummies
The day when online driving guides replace instructors is the day when you should barricade yourself inside the house with a hefty supply of canned foods, because the roads will become even more dangerous than in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Luckily, judging by the useful advice you can find in this tutorial, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. The number of redundancies you can read here like watching more experienced drivers and inquiring about their technique, not stopping the car suddenly, mementos that fellow motorists are not mind readers, etc. is enough to earn this guide a spot in the top 10.
8. Proper blinking techniques and etiquette
For those who want to transform their dull, everyday lives into a disco experience, you can learn how to blink “professionally” from this tutorial. According to the author, if you can master the advanced blinking technique, you can increase your frequency to a maximum of 99 times per minute. However, if for some reason your blinking frequency exceeds 100 times per minute, you should seek medical attention. Makes sense, right? Oh don’t forget to make sure there aren’t any sharp objects poking you in the eye beforehand, that’s important.
9. Arithmetic is a stepping stone on the road to becoming a professional sheep herder
Well not exactly, because this tutorial helps you learn how to count imaginary sheep. Therefore, if you were trouble falling asleep by counting sheep, problem solved! Thankfully, they do mention that you can cope with other potential sounds around you by imagining distant cattle and that you shouldn’t count sheep out loud in order to avoid disturbing people and looking silly. Thanks guide!
10. Mice and other pointing devices 101
Similar to the tutorial on switching TV channels, this guide on how to utilize the computer’s mouse is providing answers to question nobody asked in the first place. It’s based on the assumption that a computer user is astute as to know all the keyboard shortcuts required to Google this guide, but fails to use the most intuitive pointing device in the world. And, it continues by listing the most ridiculously simple solutions for malfunctioning mice, like an unplugged cord or a frozen OS. Seriously?
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