In all fairness, EBay has its share of excellent deals and unique items that can be acquisitioned for significantly less than their fair price. No doubt about it, with just a bit of knowhow on the mechanism of auctioning and of course monumental patience to search, evaluate or track the bids, EBay users can purchase anything from rare novelty items to kitchen hardware. However, in the bundle of more or less useful things you can find on this website, there are also a number of oddities that cannot be classified as junk simply because they are unbelievably strange. Let’s find out more about the top ten!
1. The male chastity belt model CB-6000
Folks, if you have to resort to using the CB-6000 just to keep your vow of chastity, maybe it wasn’t worth it in the first place. This incredibly scary contraption is essentially a plastic casing for the penis, advertised as “comfortable” by the seller. You don’t need a second look to understand that its shape and dimensions make it incredibly bothersome and highly visible through pants, which means that you’ll probably have to explain the permanent semi-erection with a red face while everyone’s staring at you. Of course, telling people that you are actually wearing a Middle Ages inspired device won’t make you seem less weird.
2. The biggest Lite-Bright of The Last Supper painting
Lite-Bright toys are all the rage! This is what you would have said if you were born 90 years ago and you can check your grandparents’ home for one of these things. If they don’t own a Lite-Bright and you’re keep on spending $15,000 on the biggest, highly detailed reproduction of The Last Supper that probably took years to assemble – some people have way too much time on their hands – then you can always purchase it on EBay. It is important to note that in addition to the “craftsmanship”, this Lite-Bright copy features a hand sculpted/painted frame as well as an elegant velvet back.
3. A bike siren shaped like E.T.’s head
Now, fans of Spielberg’s tear jerking S.F. movie might think that the idea of having an E.T. siren on their bike is pretty neat. And it is, but unfortunately only in theory. The actual product closely resembles the severed head of a baby dwarf who was suffering from a lazy eye condition. In addition to the cheesy/creepy plastic design, the pièce de résistance consists of the demonic red-glowing eyes that light up when this thing is turned on.
4. A shot glass with the Nickelback logo
The only reason why anyone would want a Nickelback branded shot glass is that neither Justin Bieber nor Selena Gomez are old enough to advertise their “music” through alcohol-related accessories. And, since according to the internet, Nickelback is the top 3 most hated band in the world, the choice is obvious. However, it is probably better to refrain from taking this glass to the pub and, more importantly, from asking the bartender to pour you a shot in it. For obvious reasons!
5. The blue head of Obama surrounded by sketchy clip art
The seller of this art piece, if you can call the tacky, blue Photoshopped face of the U.S president surrounded by unrelated items like a banana and a snail wearing a watch, has the audacity to ask for a nearly $1,000 starting price. Not only does the blue face makes no sense unless Obama chocked on a piece of the said unrelated banana, but neither do the other “symbols”, like the coke can or the cloudy sky picture. But art is subject to personal interpretation, so feel free to view the snail and the banana as sexual metaphors, the blue face depicting autoerotic asphyxiation and the Rolex symbolizing wealth. The Coke can is probably just for energy.
6. The penis bone of a raccoon
Now it’s probably as good time as any to learn that the male exponents of numerous animal species actually have bones in their genitals. For a really good price you too can be the owner of a raccoon’s bone or, as it is known in the wilderness, a mountaineer’s toothpick. The practicality of this item is unknown, unless of course you plan to start a collection of disturbing things. Or maybe there are some who want to practice chastity but don’t like the idea of CB-6000, so they simply show this bone to all the dates they bring home.
7. Second hand breast implants
Not many girls can afford new implants without a “sponsor”, so those who want to upgrade their bosoms might have to improvise. However, second hand breast implants definitely constitute a step too far. Not only is the idea of installing pre-owned, pre-used silicon pretty disgusting, but there are also many risks involved in a procedure of this nature. While the previous owner states that she is selling them for a good cause – her next calendar photo shoot requires a bigger rack – her credibility is pretty low considering that she’s probably the only model who has to blur out the face in the auction picture.
8. 3D trading with the notorious Shroud of Turin
The Shroud of Turin continues to amaze and baffle religious believers as well as skeptic scientists, but you should not let the picture of the auction trick you into thinking you are purchasing the actual relic. The $2 starting price is for a 3D trading card is similar to the very popular ones from 10-20 years ago and what it does is to shift from the shroud to Jesus when viewed from different angles. Talk about kitschy!
9. Old pornography magazines
Nothing says “I have a way with the ladies” than your very own collection of prude, 50 years old erotic magazines. The redundancy of this auction stems from the abundance of free internet porn that come with the benefit of non-sticky pages. Also, don’t forget that digital versions of these magazines can be found on numerous “specialty” websites. Or you can just pay Hugh Heffner a visit and browse through his private stash.
10. The power of invisibility
Much like the E.T. bike siren, this sounds cool in theory. Evidently, this scam could have been more successful if the seller wouldn’t claim your power of invisibility can be downloaded. Well, don’t you think that if invisibility apps were a thing, there would have been at least 20 pirated versions on torrent websites, complete with the latest updates and fixes?