These hairstyles are mostly the result of an overzealous hairstylist trying to make a niche for himself in this big bad world by introducing the latest fad. Or it could just be a mistake that he tried to cover up by successfully passing it off as the latest trend. The hapless customer will never know.
So, the following are the most cringe worthy hairstyles of all time:
1. Bowl Cut
This hairstyle was made popular Moe Howard of The Three Stooges. Although, why anyone would want to look like a bumbling idiot is beyond me. As the name suggests, this hairstyle covers one’s head in such a way that it looks as if they’re wearing an upturned bowl. Funnily enough, in the 19th century, this haircut was actually done by placing a cooking pot which fit till the level of the ears and all of the hair beneath the rim was either shaved off or cut. It was done by a non-professional and was availed by people who were too poor to even afford a visit to the barber.
Jim Carrey also sported this look while portraying ‘Lloyd Christmas’ in “Dumb and Dumber”.
2. Rattail
The rattail can be distinguished by the “tail” like structure emanating from the back of the head of the moron keeping it. Generally sported by buck toothed mid westerners, this haircut doesn’t really inspire confidence. Generally, the extra length of hair is braided.
In India, this look is synonymous with Pandits and other “wise men”. I believe that on the banks of the holy river Ganges, one can find many Indian wise men and ‘Hare Krishnas’ displaying this look.
3. Mullet
Ah, the symbol of the Midwest, this haircut is despised by many. The characteristics usually attributed to the wearer of this hairstyle are right wing gun loving traditional conservatives who practice some form of incest. However, this look was also worn by rock stars such as Bono in the forgettable eighties and by Brad Pitt in one of his equally forgettable movies.
However, the most famous mullet is actually a green This is a case of the age old battle between one’s bid to save the environment against one’s struggle to maintain their (highly debatable) fashion sense.
4. Combover
This is a hairstyle worn by bald or balding men to cover up the evidence of their baldness. In this the hair on the sides is grown long and comber over the bald area to cover up any evidence of baldness. This pathetic attempt however, is not able to fool anyone but themselves. Women usually use elaborate wigs or extensions to achieve the same although exponentially better effect.
5. Crop
A crop is a hairstyle adorned by both men and women. It is usually cut quite close to the head and is worn with copious amounts of gel thereby giving it an altogether slimy appearance. Popular in the roaring 20s, this look was worn with flapper dresses and high heels by women. A slicked-down variation, the Eton crop, was popularized by Josephine Baker. However, in some western cultures, this look can be synonymous with the act of leaving the past behind and starting anew.
6. Jheri Curl
Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
Is it superman?
Well, it’s none of the aforementioned choices. It’s actually a bird’s nest sitting upon a grown man’s head. It is a bit like the perm and was a popular hairstyle in the late 70s and was common with the African American community. It was invented by the hairdresser Jheri Redding and gave the wearer a lustrous and brazenly curled appearance. It was further made famous by actor Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield in “Pulp Fiction”.
7. Middle Part Mushroom Cut
Ah, yes. This hairstyle as the name suggests gives one the appearance of a mushroom which begs the question, ‘why would anyone wish to look like a mouldy fungus?’
As is the case with most things, it is merely to imitate something which is quite popular. Originality is a rarity these days and blindly copying doesn’t help. This hairstyle was made popular by singers particularly those of boy bands. Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys, in the mid-90s when he was at the height of his career, had girls going crazy after his mellifluous voice, dreamy eyes and yes, his beach blonde hair which was unfortunately, shaped like a mushroom.
This hairstyle had a quite popular Indian variation which was spotted by Salman Khan in his movie “Tere Naam”. Influenced by the movie and hardly paying any attention to the fact Mr. Khan donned that hairstyle to suit his role of a deranged stalker; many teenagers across the nation rushed to their barbers and immediately got this haircut. It was hard to set foot in one’s classroom in those days and not notice scores of pimply male teenagers sporting a greasier, badly styled version of this cut.
8. Hair bow
This hairstyle was popularized by the likes of Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj. Categorized under “whacky”, this hairstyle is heavily influenced from Japanese Anime. The characters are widely known for being innocent virtuous schoolgirls, complete with the relevant attire. They further accessorize by wearing an oversized bow. This trend was taken one step further by making the bows intentionally large. And recently these bows are made entirely out of hair, either the wearer’s or with extensions. This style caught on and was made even more absurd. This hairstyle is usually attributed to funk and pop. Only the sane individuals who are in possession of eyes are susceptible to the hilarity that ensues when the wearer of this trend proudly struts “her stuff” in broad daylight.
9. Mohawk
This is a hairstyle where the sides of the head are shaven and some amount of hair is left in the middle. The hair which is left is then made to stand up perpendicularly to the head with ridiculous amounts of hair gel. Basically, you’re one step away from looking like an edgy porcupine. This hairstyle was first used by Scythian warriors whose heads were completely shaved off so they wore a makeshift wig in this shape. Somehow, this trend returned and was used extensively by musicians. Thus, a Mohawk dyed pink came to be identified with the Punk Rock movement. A variation of this trend called the ‘Chelsea Hawk’ is quite popular with women undergoing identity crisis. Usually this haircut is considered as a “phase” and also as something to laugh about when one grows up and has a real job. Another variation called the ‘Devilocks’ is quite popular with Metallica fans who confuse themselves with Satan.
10. Beehive
This hairstyle is, as the name suggests, shaped literally like a beehive. It is styled into such gigantic proportions that wearer of this haircut is successfully and easily able to hide herself from prying eyes which is why it is quite popular with celebrities trying to evade the paparazzi. Let me clarify, that statement is not actually true and is put there for comic effect. However, this haircut did find many celebrity followers such and the late and great Amy Winehouse and an understated version of this hairstyle was commonly worn with panache by the likes of Audrey Hepburn which is why this hairstyle is moderately cringe worthy.
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